Grasping at Control

The uncertainty and feelings of chaos during this pandemic has me pondering where I may be grasping at a sense of control. One of my intuitive eating coaches, Stephanie Webb, posted a video on her instagram today titled “Why You Should Stop Weighing Yourself”, and it caught my attention.

It caught my attention for two reasons:

  1. This is something I truly believe – the scale simply cannot tell us anything that actually matters. In fact over the course of my 10 years as a personal trainer, I encouraged all my clients to toss their scales. (I even confiscated a few!)
  2. I brought my scale home when my studio closed and have had a hard time not stepping on it regularly since my hysterectomy a year ago.

Why was I weighing myself? After my surgery, my body felt completely out of my control. So many unknowns and changes were happening, all while I spent weeks of recovery without physical exercise. As soon as I was given the green light to workout, I did. But first, I weighed myself. Not a big deal. I wanted to see how much my weight had shifted after 12 weeks off. As I started to get back into some kind of exercise routine, I began to weigh myself once a week. Still, didn’t feel all that crazy. But it gradually became more frequent. Even as I started learning and implementing a new way of living with intuitive eating and movement, the stepping on the scale was happening every day.

What I am now aware of is that I was trying desperately to hold onto to some sort of control during a time of what felt like chaos. My body had changed, my hormones had changed, my exercise had changed, the way I related to food was changing, and I was looking to this form of control as a coping mechanism. But it was actually only ADDING to my feelings of chaos. Stepping on the scale wasn’t bringing any sense of peace. While I had been telling myself that all I was doing was gathering information, it had became more.

That number I saw started to affect whether I was going to workout, or which workout I was going to do, instead of what would feel good to my body. That number started to influence my food choices, instead of my intuitive thoughts and feelings. And the more that number dictated those choices, the more it was dictating my mood and how I felt about myself.

I decided that I needed more help and support during this journey with food freedom and body respect, so I joined a group coaching program. Even coaches need coaches y’all! I’m only one month in, but I started weighing myself less and less this month. And after watching Stephanie‘s video today, and being reminded of all the things I KNOW – like how the scale cannot tell me anything about my self care habits, or my water intake, or if I had an enjoyable meal with my family, or if I am managing my stress, or if I’m getting enough sleep, or if I’m connecting with my community…I am tossing my scale for good.

And with just this little act of rebellion (take THAT diet culture!), I feel a weight lifted off of my shoulders.

If you’re wondering how I will be able to gage if I’m in a healthy weight range or not, first go listen to the video. Second, reach out to me. I would love to open up a conversation around this. Third, read my last few blogs to see what I’m doing instead.

Lastly, stay tuned, I will continue sharing more of my journey here.

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